June 24th, email sent

I just submitted the proposal.

Yesterday I finally launched my website. That same day I added the last piece of the series to the proposal, and today, after reading the document about a thousand times, I pressed the 'send' button.

And now, with nothing left to do but wait, I can only stop and reflect that, although I am incredibly happy to have finished on time and managed to apply, the open call was never the most important part.

The most important part was becoming someone capable of finishing something that initially felt far too big.

Back in February, I had one painting and a very vague concept that I wanted to develop. Today, I have a complete series, a written proposal, and a much deeper understanding of the things I try to communicate through my paintings.

I don’t know what will happen with the selection process. On top of that, I have to wait more than a month for the jury’s decision, so this is not the time to stress about it. The proposal may move forward, or it may not. That part is no longer up to me.

What was up to me has already happened. And I couldn’t be happier about it.

I spent months in front of canvases and my computer, trying to give shape and meaning to something that existed only in my head. And perhaps the most valuable part of all, is that I gave myself permission to try.

Now that the proposal has been submitted, honestly, all I want to do is appreciate the completed body of work and celebrate with some Chinese fried rice.