May 19th, one piece to go

In February I came across an open call for visual artists who had never had a solo exhibition. At that point I only had one artwork that I felt I had made with real intention, careful attention to every detail, from the type of canvas and its preparation, to the paints, to the originality of the reference. But the truth is, one piece alone cannot stand on its own, and it’s not enough to apply to a call like this, much less in a country as full of talent as Costa Rica.

For a few days I ignored it. I gave in to impostor syndrome, the voice telling me that by June 30th I would never manage to have a coherent series ready to submit. But the idea kept resonating, and after a few days I decided to start giving it shape. First on paper, writing down how I imagined it, what I wanted to convey, and how to approach it as authentically as possible.

Shortly after, I understood that the most authentic way to do it was from the inside. That the most genuine thing I had at that moment was my own psychological process. And I thought about how, through art, I could invite others to connect with that process; not to feel sympathy for me, but to see themselves in it. To pay attention, to themselves.

So I started painting.

As of today, May 19th, I have just over a month left and one piece still to finish. I don’t know if I’ll make it in time to submit a complete proposal. What I do know is that through this process I’ve learned more about myself than I ever had before, and that alone, is enough of a win for me.